That Famous Fruitcake

 

The mailman knocked upon my door on Christmas Eve last year,

And he handed me a package as he wished me lots of cheer.

There was no return address, nor any sender's name,

So your guess is as good as mine from where the package came.

I knew I couldn't let that box just sit till Christmas day,

So I opened it to take a peek at what was tucked away.

From the looks and from the shape of it I knew just what it was,

But still I read the card on top signed by my favorite cous. It said,

Here's that famous fruitcake that you sent last Christmas Eve.

It taught me why I'm better off to give than to receive.

It's seen Aunt Edna's windowsill and Uncle Hubert's den,

Till he passed it on to cousin Nell, who gave it to a friend,

Who then traded it for chocolates at the county baking fair.

You should have seen the way it made the judges stop and stare.

Well, somehow in the passing, it got back to Auntie Lou,

And now, with deepest gratitude, it's coming back to you.

I took that cake out of the box, examined it, and then,

I dialed my neighbor on the phone and offered it to him.

Well, he refused, had some excuse of allergies or such,

So I set that lovely fruitcake by the pencils on the hutch.

Well, I never tried to taste it -- guess it was there to stay,

And still it sat there on the shelf upon Memorial Day,

When suddenly my favorite cousin popped into my head,

So, I sent that fruitcake back to her with a note that fondly said,

Here's that famous fruitcake that you sent last Christmas Eve.

It taught me why I'm better off to give than to receive.

It's seen Aunt Edna's windowsill and Uncle Hubert's den,

Till he passed it on to cousin Nell, who gave it to a friend,

Who then traded it for chocolates at the county baking fair.

You should have seen the way it made the judges stop and stare.

Well, somehow in the passing, it got back to Auntie Lou,

And now, with deepest gratitude, it's coming back to you.

For a while she kept that fruitcake safely hidden down the hall.

One time she even framed it, but it fell right off the wall.

But even with the tumble, it only lost a crumb

Which she mended easily with a little bit of gum.

Then sometime in September that fruitcake petrified,

And we all met to bury it--Aunt Edna even cried.

We made a fancy headstone with letters big and red.

My cousin read the eulogy, and this is what it said,

Here lies that famous fruitcake that we sent last Christmas Eve.

It taught us why we're better off to give than to receive.

It's seen Aunt Edna's windowsill and Uncle Hubert's den,

Till he passed it on to cousin Nell, who gave it to a friend,

Who then traded it for chocolates at the county baking fair.

You should have seen the way it made the judges stop and stare.

Well, somehow in the passing, it got back to Auntie Lou,

And now, a proper burial seems the only thing to do.

So watch your mailbox Christmas Eve,

'Cause there might be one for you.